


Choices

by Independence1776



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-01
Updated: 2013-05-01
Packaged: 2017-12-10 03:49:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/781430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Independence1776/pseuds/Independence1776
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After surviving Demon’s Run, Lorna talks to Amy and the Doctor, and makes another life-changing decision.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Choices

**Author's Note:**

  * For [penny_lane_42 (Lirazel)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lirazel/gifts).



> Many, many thanks to my beta [](http://ladyelleth.livejournal.com/profile)[**ladyelleth**](http://ladyelleth.livejournal.com/), my medical beta [](http://surgicalsteel.livejournal.com/profile)[**surgicalsteel**](http://surgicalsteel.livejournal.com/), and my Britpicker [](http://spiced-wine.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://spiced-wine.livejournal.com/)**spiced_wine**. Any remaining mistakes are my own.

Lorna looked around the barracks room she shared with three other women. One way or another, things would change for them today. They knew she'd been sewing something; they just hadn't known what. And if anyone found out she'd given something to Amy-- especially because of her Encounter-- they'd look much closer at her than they already had. It had been difficult enough keeping her plans and reason for joining the Army secret when she'd enlisted. After all, they were fighting the Doctor, not praising him. But to a large extent, Lorna didn't care what her commanding officers thought, aside from safety concerns. Watching them take Melody away from her mother had been the evidence she needed to confirm that no matter how dangerous a soldier the Doctor was, the Church's Army was worse.

She had been able to do nothing for Amy, save this. But she would be late to the briefing (if she could call it that) if she gave her the prayer leaf now, even though it was the perfect time. Madame Kovarian would be at the briefing, as would everyone on base save for those in essential duties. Amy's guard would be lax; she had caused them no real danger in the past few weeks.

It wasn't for lack of trying, but she was locked in that room, with no equipment that could cause significant damage. And Lorna knew that Amy'd realized she had to wait for the Doctor. She was surrounded by enemies on a space station in her future. She had neither the knowledge nor the training in order to both escape and fly a ship off Demon's Run. And if there was one thing Lorna had observed about Amy that terrible day, she disliked being rescued and hated waiting even more.

Lorna opened the bag where she kept her sewing supplies and pulled out the prayer leaf. It looked so similar to the one Mum received from her sister Hyun Jae just before Lorna had left home. Lorna wished she knew if it would help Amy. But Amy's beliefs were so different to her own. Centuries separated them. The most Lorna could do was try to give her hope.

* * * * *

Lorna breathed in and out how she had been taught, keeping her gun level. She'd been trained for battle, and she would protect Amy and Melody with her life if she had to, though she hoped she didn't. The Church had put the Ponds through enough, and Lorna would not let it kill them while she had the power to help prevent it.

The battle turned immediately chaotic. Monks kept coming toward them, swords crackling and energy bursts flying. Dodging and shooting took all her concentration. But she couldn't avoid everything.

It _hurt_ , and her pistol was gone, and she was lying on the floor, propped up on a metal stairwell, unable to move to a more comfortable position. And it hurt. Hurt to breathe, and her heart racing, and it _hurt_.

She heard the battle end, the last Monk thumping to the ground, Amy calling desperately “Rory!” and then the awful silence. But she couldn't tell what happened, her view blocked by some crates. The Silurian came over to her and studied her. “What is your name, human?”

“Lorna,” she said, gasping.

She lost track of what happened for a bit after that, simply trying to breathe and remain conscious. Then the Doctor knelt down in front of her. She smiled. At least she got to see him again before she died. “Doctor.”

He placed a hand on her cheek. “Hush, Lorna. You'll be fine.” He stood up and walked away, saying, “Vastra, you and Jenny need to get a stretcher. Rory, I know you’d rather be with Amy at the moment, but I need--”

A thunderous crack echoed through the chamber, and then a woman said, “Well then, soldier, how goes the day?” And Lorna lost the battle for consciousness.

* * * * *

She woke up, feeling a bit fuzzyheaded, and spotted a woman with wildly curly hair sitting on a stool at the end of the bed. “Hi.”

The woman looked up from her book and smiled. “Hi, Lorna. I'm River Song.”

That voice… “You arrived just before I passed out.” Lorna glanced around the room. IV, tube giving her oxygen under (and in?) her nose, other medical equipment. “Where am I?”

“TARDIS infirmary. You were lucky, you know. If the blast had hit an inch closer to your heart, you'd be dead.”

“So what's wrong? The Doctor said I'd be fine.”

River smiled. “Your heart and chest wall were bruised, and that caused problems, but you _are_ fine. We gave you medication to speed healing. You still need to stay in bed for a couple of days, though, just in case.”

“Oh. How is everyone else?”

River sighed. “The Sontaran died, and Jenny and Vastra are already home. They left once we were sure you'd live. Melody… Melody herself was the trap. She was a Flesh avatar.”

“So Amy--”

“They're grieving. Right now, they’re with the Doctor and trying to find Melody. Thing is, I can't know where or when they're searching, so I volunteered to stay with you.”

“Why can't you know?” Though, strange as it was, she had an idea.

“They're looking for me. Melody Pond. River Song.”

“The prayer leaf. But why can't--”

“Spoilers. I already know the outcome of this. I can't tell the Doctor, and I can't tell my parents.”

“Me?”

River shook her head. “Too dangerous. It's enough for now that they know I'll grow up to be a healthy, capable, independent adult. But nothing else.”

Lorna nodded. “Maybe you can explain something. I joined the Army because it made sense to me, looking for him-- a great warrior. But Amy said the Doctor isn't one. Yet you called him 'soldier' when you appeared.”

River looked up at the ceiling briefly. “He is one, but he hates being reminded. What do you know about him?”

“Quite a lot. The Church made sure we knew the legends. How he fought in the Time War and ended it, that he goes to worlds and brings down civilizations. I don't believe all of them; some were obviously twisted in order to show him in the worst light. But I never doubted that he was a warrior; he fights for what he thinks is right and the preservation of Time.”

River smiled briefly. “He does. But as much as he is a soldier, he isn't. He never wanted to be one, and my reminding him of the consequences of his actions, the ones that led to Mother's kidnapping and my, well… “ She sighed. “He didn't take it well. He needs to think of himself as a kind old man who helps people. It's the only way he can live with the decisions he's made. And for his plan to fail here, when it mattered most to his best friends…”

“Thinking of him as a soldier, treating him like one, won't help.”

“No, it won't. He needs friends.” River tilted her head. “Lorna, you said you joined the Army to find the Doctor _again_.”

“I met him when I was a girl, when he stopped an invading army. Plus, the Gamma Forests are boring, and I wanted to see the stars. I didn't know of another way to track him down; the Church hadn't been secretive about their goal.”

“What did he look like?”

“Like he does now. Except… his coat was long and green.”

“Then don't tell him specifics, just that you met him when you were a child. Anything else could cause a paradox, or other problems with Time. He'll know not to ask questions.”

“Spoilers?”

River grinned. “Spoilers. Now, how was the Gamma Forests colony founded?”

* * * * *

“What did you know?”

Amy stormed into the infirmary shortly after the conversation shifted. River slid off her stool and slipped into the hallway. Lorna stared at Amy. “About what?”

“About what Madame Kovarian would do to Melody! I already know I don't get her back as a baby. I saw her in Florida in 1969 as a child! But the TARDIS won't land in 1969 or 1970, and when She finally landed in 1971, she refused to scan for Time Lord DNA. So _what do you know_?”

Lorna shook her head, careful not to dislodge the oxygen tube. So that was why River had been so careful not to say anything. But did that mean her parents found her sometime later? Or, more likely, the Ponds wouldn't see their daughter again until she was an adult. It made both Lorna’s head hurt and a hollow sensation to form in her stomach.

“I only knew about Melody the day she was taken from you. Even then, I happened to see her because Madame Kovarian picked me as a guard, enforcement, whatever, as she walked by. I knew that you were bait, and then that Melody was. But I know nothing else. I was just a soldier.”

“So you're using that as an excuse. Horrible things have been done because someone said, 'I'm just a soldier.'”

“Yes, they have. But that's not what I meant.” She squarely met Amy's glare. “I meant that we didn't need to know what would happen to Melody, or even about her existence, so we weren't told. We all thought you were the bait. I'm sorry, Amy. I truly am.”

Amy sat on the stool River'd vacated. “I know. I know it's not your fault--”

“But I'm the only one you can blame.”

“You joined an army, Lorna, that held me captive and took my baby from me. I don't know how you can reconcile yourself to that.” Amy stood up and walked over to the door. She looked over her shoulder. “I don't expect you to apologize. I know it's not your fault. But you're a part of it.”

“I know.”

Amy walked out, and the door shut with final-sounding hiss. Lorna lay her head back on her pillow. How could she justify it to herself? The same way she'd joined an army to fight the Doctor? How could she not have seen the methods they would go to in order to destroy him, how those methods would destroy more lives? Willful blindness, and hope that the Doctor would be able to fix everything. And he couldn't.

* * * * *

It wasn't long before the Doctor came into the infirmary. He took the IV and the oxygen tube out. “You don't need them anymore. In fact, you don't need to stay here anymore; you can rest anywhere. I'm taking Amy and Rory home, and River's going with them. I can take you home, too.”

Lorna sat upright and put her feet on the floor. “I can't. The Church will return to Demon's Run for supplies and information. I wouldn't have been with the retreating army, and the security footage will show me helping your friends, fighting _against_ the Monks. I'll be tried and executed for treason. If I return to the Gamma Forests now, they'll find me.”

The Doctor stared at her. “You're sure.”

Lorna nodded. “My family knew this. They also knew it would be years before I returned, if I'm ever capable. It depends on how desperate the Church is to find me, or if they want to make an example of me, or if they want to ignore me and cover their debacle up.”

“You _planned_ to betray them.”

Lorna shrugged and chose her words carefully, keeping in mind what River told her. “I met you when I was a little girl. I wanted to see you again, and my enlistment meant I would.”

The Doctor chuckled. “You reminded me of Donna, there. She did something similar, but it worked.” He grew serious again. “Lorna, what I plan on doing will be more dangerous than normal. I can't stop searching for Melody, and I can't let what the Church did stand without looking for more information on _why_.”

“We were told it was simply that you were too dangerous to live. Apart from the legends and stories-- none of which had anything to do with the Church-- it wasn't anything specific.”

“It never is.” He rubbed his face. “Let's pick out a bedroom for you, and we'll see where to go from there.”

Lorna nodded and stood up. She was a little wobbly, but that was to be expected. And it only took a bit of walking before the Doctor stopped in front of a door. “Here. I think this one.”

The door slid open onto a room filled with greens and brown and hardwood furniture and flooring, with a dark blue rug by the bed. The air was different, slightly more humid, and the lighting looked like it was filtered through a forest's canopy. Reminiscent of home, but not identical. She smiled. “It's gorgeous. Thank you.”

The Doctor smiled back. “I know River told you to rest, and you should. There are books and there _should_ be a video system. If you don't like the selection of clothes in the wardrobe, I'll show you the wardrobe room later.” He scratched his cheek. “I think I'd better return to the console room. I don't know where the Ponds are-- packing, probably-- but I need to be there.”

Lorna nodded and sat down on the bed. The green duvet was so soft. If there was an en-suite, a shower would be wonderful. But the bed was comfortable, and she couldn't believe the room she was in. She'd expected something sterile, with no personality. But this? And it was hers? A knock on the door brought her out of her musing. “Come in!”

The door slid open and Amy stepped hesitantly into the room, holding something in her left hand. “We're leaving, but I wanted to apologize to you first. I was a bit harsh earlier.” She gestured with her left hand, and Lorna recognized the fabric she'd used on the prayer leaf. Was she giving it back? But Lorna couldn't take it; returning it meant the child would never come home. “I know you're not really to blame. You couldn't have got me and Melody out; you couldn't have even stopped them from taking her. One woman with a gun versus two Monks, three other soldiers, and Madame Kovarian-- and then an entire base?” Amy shook her head. “Impossible. It helps though, the prayer leaf.”

“Amy…”

“I know. I know both of us wish we could have done more, or done things differently. But we can't.” Amy finally met her eyes. “Thank you, Lorna.”

“You're welcome. And Amy, good luck.”

Amy smiled and left the room. Lorna let out a breath when the door shut. Knowing she couldn't have done anything else didn't stop the regret.

* * * * *

Three days later-- the books had been wonderful, but she had yet to find the entertainment system-- Lorna walked into the console room as the Doctor stared morosely at the screen. “Where did we land?”

“Another planet, another underground intelligence network.”

“Still looking for Madame Kovarian?”

The Doctor nodded and switched off the monitor. “She's proving very elusive, and of the half dozen people I've talked to so far, not a one of them will even speak her name. I'm hoping this one…” His voice trailed off for a bit, and he fiddled with dial. “I've never been this frustrated trying to find people before. _Ever_. But they were able to sent the Flesh signal through the TARDIS shielding, which means they know quite a lot about me, which means they know how to hide from me.” He stared down at the console. “I can't stop looking. I just can't.”

“You've spent three days doing nothing but, Doctor. You need to take a break.”

“After this.” He rubbed his face with his hands. “I could use a couple of hours of sleep. And you should stay here. The Church--”

Lorna shot the Doctor an exasperated look. She couldn't sit in the TARDIS in safety while Melody was lost. “I'm coming with you. I don't care that they're more likely than not to sell information about me to the Church. What will they do to you if they know the Church wants to kill you?”

The Doctor's mouth snapped shut. “Right then, let's go.”

Lorna smirked. That had been easier than she'd thought. She made sure to close the TARDIS door behind her as she stepped onto the wet street. A light mist was falling, obscuring her distance vision. It muffled sound, too, though she could still hear music coming from a bar on the street. The stench didn't bear thinking about, and Lorna had little desire to touch anything without gloves on. Mechanic she may be, but that smear on the brick wall didn't look like engine grease or dirt.

The Doctor peered out of the alley and Lorna waited immediately behind him, wishing she had her gun. “It'll be dangerous,” he said.

“So is joining an army you had no intentions of supporting in actual battle,” Lorna shot back.

The Doctor grinned and strolled off down the pavement. Lorna trotted to catch up with him, and stayed by his side, watching everyone. There weren't a lot of people, probably due to the weather. The mist was heavier, more like actual rain now, and the dark clouds just meant it was going to get worse. And it was a cold rain, too, not a warm rain she'd willingly walk in. And God knew what pollutants were in it.

The Doctor pulled open a nondescript metal door, and the cacophony of a roomful of people sounded rather strange on the otherwise quiet street. She hurried in and let the door bang shut behind her. She kept watch on the mostly non-human people in the room while the Doctor talked to the four-armed alien behind the bar. After a few minutes, the Doctor touched Lorna's shoulder. “This way.”

They walked down a dark, carpeted hallway, away from the noise. Lorna knew better than to ask questions; now was not the time to give their observers-- there had to be security cameras in a place like this-- any information. But she kept her eyes open, and made observations of her own. Bad wiring in the building despite the otherwise orderly appearance, a central heating and air conditioner system, soft carpets and soundproofing on the walls and ceiling, and no other features.

They reached the end of the corridor and climbed up a flight of stairs to the first floor. The door at the top of the flight shut with a muffled thud, blocking out the remainder of the noise. Lorna stepped to the left, gaining a clear view of the room. Couches lined two walls, with another bar lining the one to her right. The only person in the room-- seated at the bar-- was a green, three-eyed alien whose species she'd never seen before.

“We thought we told you never to come here again.”

The Doctor shrugged. “I never listen. I need information.”

“About Madame Kovarian? Oh, yes, Doctor, we know. Do you really think we don't hear the rumors? We know what you did to the Army, and we know that you want to find her. But we don't know why, and that is the price for our information.”

The Doctor pulled back his shoulders and set his chin. “I also need to know about a Lorna Bucket.”

“The Church will track her down eventually.” The alien glanced at her. “There is a price on your head, sweetheart. You're wanted for treason and Level One Heresy, we believe.”

Lorna snorted. Of course the Church would pin that charge on her, no matter that they'd exempted the Army in the first place. But if they wanted her that badly, and if she could do that much damage… She'd have to talk to the Doctor about an appropriate place to release the information about the Monks. Those things were too dangerous and influential. Just like Madame Kovarian.

“Well, Doctor. The price? You even received a tidbit about your new friend.”

The Doctor didn't even glance at Lorna. “They kidnapped a child, an infant. And I want her back.”

“Whose child?”

“My companions'.”

The alien's three eyes widened. “And you can't find them. The Oncoming Storm has no one to break against. You can't even find a hint of Madame Kovarian. Well, then, information for information.

“She went to ground after Demon's Run. The Silence have her well-trained. We have no knowledge of their whereabouts. And we heard nothing about a child. But thank you for coming with Lorna. The bounty on her is rather considerable.”

Lorna spun as she heard the door open behind her. She kicked out, hitting a human man in the legs, and he tumbled down the stairs, dropping his gun on the floor. She grabbed it and pointed it at the alien. “Run!”

The Doctor hurried down the stairs, dodging the body at the bottom, screwdriver at the ready, Lorna close behind him. They pelted through the lower bar, though Lorna paused in the entryway. She took aim and fired at the bottles of alcohol lined up on shelves behind the counter. They rather satisfactorily shattered and caught on fire. She grinned and ran into the heavy rain after the Doctor. That would keep their pursuers busy long enough to ensure their escape.

Once back in the Vortex, after they'd changed clothes (Lorna stuck the gun in her wardrobe), the Doctor made them both tea and they sat companionably in the library drinking it. “Lorna,” he finally said, “the bounty--”

“I expected it, Doctor. It doesn't change much. It just confirms that I can't go home. It's the consequences of my actions.” She peered into her cup at the dregs. “Though if they're determined to pin heresy on me, try to kill you, and kidnap Amy and _then_ her child, well, I can think of a way to make their lives a bit miserable.”

“Revenge--”

Lorna shook her head. “It's a heresy in the Church to know what's under the hood of a Monk, Doctor. Why do you think they want that information kept secret? I don't want to bring the Church down; there's a lot of good people in it and it's done a lot of beneficial things. But the Monks are abominations and weapons besides. People need to know. They need to be stopped, from hurting more people and from doing anything similar again.”

“If we do this, Lorna, you'll never be able to return home. Well, I can take you back for a visit, but it can't be for long. You won't be able to stay. This is far more dangerous than my taking you into a risky situation.”

Lorna took a deep breath and put her cup down on the coffee table. “I want to do this.”

The Doctor set his own cup down next to a computer tablet that hadn't been there a minute ago. He handed it to her and said, “Then let's begin.”


End file.
